she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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