you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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