are you still at the devil's house?
another moral hangover. fuck.
You can't special order awesome
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
