I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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