I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I love black thongs
youre lurking in front of me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
