I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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