i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
