there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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