I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
