i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
