There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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