3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my phone needs a breathalizer
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
