I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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