I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
