She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
