Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
