so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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