Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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