do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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