dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
