I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
