it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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