My girlfriend figured out who you are.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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