but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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