I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
