yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
