you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
