He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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