we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
