I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
