the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
