sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
