I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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