it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
