Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I want to have your abortion
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
