Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
