Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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