Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
