Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
