So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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