:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
