Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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