I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
