I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
