i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i came on her dog
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
