I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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