her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
