when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
