this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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