I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
