a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
